indulged in colors vivid and happy

“come on, you know you’re going to find a boyfriend when you move to new york.”

“no.”

i think of reasons why i will never maintain a serious relationship. i am not willing to compromise much of anything. to find someone with whom i will be ultimately happy is difficult. i worry too much.

“oh my god. i just got the sudden urge to kiss the back of your neck.”

but i also think about wonderful qualities in myself that would make me a model boyfriend. i am a romantic. i am happy. i am charming.

“it’s time to be happy. be happy. think about sunshine. and puppies. and fun music.”

in the brief moments that i do manage to hold onto a boyfriend, i know i will be thrilled. i will have to remind myself not to smother him at times and to indulge him at other times. i want lots of joy. i want lots of smiles and laughs and embraces and fun. i cannot wait to have fun.

“hmm. so while we’re waiting, tell me something good.”

in the future, i will have lots of time to be happy. i will have a gorgeous loft in the city…on the same floor as my work studio. large, large windows to overlook the city. and an amazing kitchen. i’ll make eggs benedict in the mid-morning for you after my daily trip to the grocery store. and i’ll pick up flowers to complement the weather. just because. we’ll have coffee and stay in the bedroom and adjacent study (filled to the high ceiling’s very top with books and other delightful things to read), keeping quiet and warm. we’ll tell jokes or read the news or whatever new magazines have come in. when it’s cold, i’ll blow on the windows and write oily messages for you to find later and when it’s warm, we’ll open the windows and play music loudly and have dance parties.

and we will only have to worry about what to wear to lunch and what to wear to dinner that day. our closets will be amazing.

“one big ex one big oh”